Burt 'Hutz' Johnson
Other Nicknames: 'Ambulance Chaser,' 'Iverson,' '& Ernie'
Position: Forward (4)
Hometown: St. Paul, MN
Favorite Team: eh Minnesooota eh
Favorite Sport: Basketball
Favorite Activity: Studying the Law and Obeying the Law
Favorite Ass to Kiss: Barbara Welke
Interesting Fact: Likes to yell 'YEAH!' out his downtown Madison apartment at the drunks walking by on the street...and most of the times they respond back with a 'yeah!' or a 'whoooo!' of their own.
Most Annoying Attribute: Blinding red hair that leaves you unable to look directly at him. Ahhhh...it burns!
Comparable TV Character: Lionel Hutz of course, duh...(The Simpsons' solicitor and an attorney at law. Lies, cheats and bribes juries and witnesses and once repeatedly ran over Judge Snyder's son. In jail a lot himself, so knows the ropes in a court. Gives away smoking monkey statues.)...This comparison is just so obvious I won't waste any time or space explaining it....instead I'll fill it with Lionel Hutz quotes..."Don't worry, Homer. I have a foolproof strategy to get you out of here. Surprise witnesses, each more surprising than the last. The judge won't know what hit him."... what the hell, one more...
Prosecutor: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Who do you find more attractive. Tom Cruise or Mel Gibson?
Judge: What is the point of all this?
Prosecutor: Your Honor, I'm so confident of Marge Simpson's guilt, that I can waste the court's time rating the superhunks.
Hutz: Ooohh. He's gonna' win
Another Interesting Fact: Once dated a girl purely so he could play with her toys...no seriously, she had this amazing toy collection...wait, that was a Seinfeld episode...never mind.
League Background: Basically the same story as 'Surly.' Was invited by Jay and Matt when he worked at the census, then didn't play for a while, then I invited him back when we had Welke's class together...was a regular for about 2 years, then began his trek to Mississippi, Wisconsin, LA, Wisconsin, and this summer to DC.
Strength: Rebounding...dominant on the boards. Uses his body to clear the lane and box out and then uses his long arms to get anything that comes near him. Gets many of his points on putbacks, but can also create his own offense(lots of nice moves when he gets you posted up) and occasionally step back and make a long jumper.
Weakness: Lack of Speed...not an option on an offensive fast break and is also usually taken out of the defense on a fast break the other way.
Grades-
Offense: A
Defense: B+
Rebounding: A
Passing: B+
Hustle: B
Attitude: B-
Overall Grade: A-
3 comments:
Whats the deal? Are people afraid to be the first to post. Does this count as the first? ok, comfortable now...come on people, I'm getting bored, I need some blogertainment
Well it has been a while since big burt played in our "league" but as I recall he was a league star in his younger years. His decision to turn traitor and run to the wasteland of Minneconsin has undoubtedly eroded his game as the competition across the sota mountain range is clearly not as high caliber as it is in the MPC and Co. league. I will however reach back into the past and try to reconstruct his game before his move to the dark side.
Big B's game is a power one. He plays his best around the rim using his strength to muscle his way to the iron. He has good touch, the best of an big man in our league, around the basket and he is capable of driving from moderate distances. The Bill Walton look-a-like is a very good rebounder and is particularly adept on the defensive end. When he plays center he is a vacuum in the middle. But also like Walton, Big B is a bit of a floor player. I mean he does not have the greatest hops in the league and his quickness cannot be described as an asset. No, with Big B its all about power because he is not going to fool anyone with his moves. In addition, there is a Brad Lohaus streak in him b/c he can hit the outside shot as well. This is an especially dangerous weapon as it draws his defender out and then leaves them vulnerable for the power drive to the bullseye. His ball-handling is good for a big man but not guard quality. On D he is a good interior defender and does not get pushed around and can stay with any big man on the floor. His weakness may be on the outside where is suseptable to a quick first step and at times relies too much on the block to make-up for getting beat on the drive. He does not create many steals but is a good help defender inside. In sum, Big Burt has the ability to dominate offensively with his power game on the inside and his shooting touch on the outside. He can play the 3, 4 or 5 spot but I like him best in the 4 spot on offense and the 5 spot on D. He could be a little more creative offensively but the power seems to work just fine I guess. A solid defender, BB is not the dominant presence on D that he is on O but nontheless a rebounding force that can match anyone in the league. Foot work, quickness and stamina are his biggest weaknesses but his other talents hide these flaws well and when Big B is varying his offensive game and attacking the glass he is virtually unstoppable.
Big B's grades:
Offense A
Defense B
Rebounding A
Hustle B-
Attitude B- (can get heated)
Ball handling B (an A compared to other bigs)
Passing B (I forgot to address this above but let's just say this is a mixed bag)
Stamina C+
Decision Making B (forces some shots when he is heated :) )
Shooting A- (this may surprise some but I have seen him blister from the prairie several times)
Sorry I do not have a better nickname but I will think about it- out of sight out of mind- you know.
I didn't want to post because I was afraid when Burt comes back he'll dunk all over me. Or eat me.
A Brad Lohaus comparison? Them's fightin' words where I come from -- the Tudor wasteland of South Minneapolis, in case you're wondering. Talk about damning with faint praise....
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