What Happens When You're At WORK and You have to Poop?

I found this on my new favorite website SmellyPoop.com , which I highly recommend! Anyone who knows me knows how obsessed I am with poop. So it should come as no surprise to you that I'm posting this. Ahh, another productiveThursday afternoon at work!

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those of you who hate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you the.........

Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work.

Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun's pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the shitter. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN): This is a group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that you're in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: This is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert all potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

The White Shadow

I just wanted to let everyone know that The White Shadow, Season One, has been released on DVD! This is a classic 70's television series. I will definately be adding this to my collection in the next month or so. But if you can't wait that long to see it, you can always buy your own copy.



Apparently.....Season Two is also out on DVD. Season One is a 4 DVD set, and Season Two is 8 DVD. Ouch, this could take a while to get them all from Netflix! You White Shadow fans will have to be patient.

Movies, Movies, Movies!!

Sorry I haven't posted anything this week, but I've been busy working on the movie datebase....as you can probably see. Everything should be pretty much set up for now. I still have to do the sports links, but I probably wont get to those until this weekend. Everything should have a link to the corrosponding imdb site; except a few titles that are too obscure for imdb, but I'll try to link them to another site that discusses the film. So its up and functional for now, but I'm going to try to make it look a little more attractive and user friendly. I want to add columns for who has the movie out right now and total number of "rentals" for each movie. I'm also going to add a "key" for my ratings, as well as the movie of the week feature. I'll also be adding a link that you can click on to send me the names of the movies you want to check out and I'll get them to you somehow. Andy's Movie Rental will soon be open for business!

Music DVDs

Title	Rating	Checked Out
Billy Bragg: From The West Down To The East	7
Billy Bragg: Here & There	7
Dropkick Murphys - Blackout Bonus DVD	4
Lennon Legend	9
Live - Birds of Pray	4
Rock Against Bush Vol. I	3
Rock Against Bush Vol. II	3

TV Shows

Title	Rating	Checked Out
All In The Family: Season 1	8
All In The Family: Season 2	8
All In The Family: Season 3	7
All In The Family: Season 4	7
Awful Truth, The: Season 1	9
Awful Truth, The: Season 2	9
Daily Show, The: Indecision 2004	7
Family Guy: Season 1	7
Family Guy: Season 2	7
Family Guy: Season 3	7
Family Guy: The Freakin' Sweet Collection	7
House M.D.: Season 1	9
Mary Tyler Moore Show: Season 1	8
Mary Tyler Moore Show: Season 2	8
Office, The: Season 1	10
Prisoner, The: Entire Series	7
Seinfeld: Season 1	9
Seinfeld: Season 2	10
Seinfeld: Season 3	10
Seinfeld: Season 4	10
Simpsons, The: Season 1	7
Simpsons, The: Season 2	8
Simpsons, The: Season 3	9
Simpsons, The: Season 4	10
Simpsons, The: Season 5	10
Simpsons, The: Season 6	10
SNL: Best of Chris Farley	6
SNL: Best of Chris Rock	6
SNL: Best of Dana Carvey	6
SNL: Best of Mike Myers	6
SNL: Best of Will Ferrell	6	Brianne

Documentary

Title	Rating	Borrowed
9/11 (2002)	7
9/11: CNN Tribute to America	4
American Dream (1991)	7
Atomic Café, The (1982)	4
Before Stonewall (1984)	5
Berkeley in the Sixties (1990)	8
Big One, The (1997)	7
Born Into Brothels (2004)	6
Bowling for Columbine (2002)	10
Chisholm '72: Unbought & Unbossed (2004)	6
Common Threads: Stories From the Quilt (1989)	7
Do You Believe in Miracles (2001)	7
Emma Goldman (2004)	5
Enron: The Smartest Guys in The Room (2005)	6
Eyes On The Prize II (1990)	8
Fahrenheit 9/11 (2004)	9
Fog of War, The (2003)	4
French Revolution, The (2004)	3
Go Tigers! (2001)	6
Hearts & Minds (1974)	6
Howard Zinn (2004)	8
Huey Long (1985)	4
Incident at Oglala (1992)	8
Life & Debt (2001)	5
Lost Boys of Sudan (2003)	8
Man in the Sand (1999)	9
Metallica: Some Kind of Monster (2004)	6
Murderball (2005)	6
One Day in September (1999)	9
Party's Over, The (2001)	8
Revolution Will Not Be Televised, The (2003)	9
RFK: American Experience (2004)	10
Roger & Me (1989)	10
Stevie (2002)	8
Super Size Me (2004)	9
Times of Harvey Milk, The (1984)	9
U.S. Grant: Warrior/President (2002)	7
Unprecedented: The 2000 Election (2002)	8
Wal-Mart (2005)	7
War at Home, The (1979)	7
War Room, The (1993)	8
Weather Underground, The (2002)	7
Wellstone! (2004)	10
Word Wars (2004)	7
Yes Men, The (2003)	7

Action

Title	Rating	Checked Out
28 Days Later (2002)	3
Batman Begins (2005)	4
Bourne Identity, The (2002)	9
Bourne Supremacy, The, (2004)	8
Braveheart (1995)	7
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969)	7
Collateral (2004)	3
Enemy at The Gates (2001)	6
For A Few Dollars More (1965)	3
From Hell (2001)	6
Fugitive, The (1993)	9
Full Metal Jacket (1987)	8
Gangs of New York (2002)	7
Gettysburg (1993)	8
Gladiator (2000)	4
Great Escape, The (1963)	8
Hannibal (2001)	7
Heat (1995)	5
Hostel (2005)	5
IJ: Last Crusade (1989)	6
IJ: Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)	8
IJ: Temple of Doom (1984)	7
Kill Bill: Volume 1 (2003)	5
Kill Bill: Volume II (2004)	4
Marathon Man (1976)	4
Ocean's Eleven (2001)	7
Ocean's Twelve (2004)	5
Phone Booth (2002)	2
Pulp Fiction (1994)	7
Run Lola Run (1999)	7
Saints and Soldiers (2003)	4
Saving Private Ryan (1998)	8
Seven (1995)	7
Spider-Man (2002)	6
Spider-Man 2 (2004)	3
Stalingrad (1993)	8
Star Wars: Episode I (1999)	5
Star Wars: Episode II (2002)	7
Star Wars: Episode III (2005)	7
Star Wars: Episode IV (1977)	9
Star Wars: Episode V (1980)	8
Star Wars: Episode VI (1983)	7
Three Kings (1999)	7
Time Machine, The (2002)	5
Twister (1996)	7
Unforgiven (1992)	5
Zulu (1964)	9

Comedy

Title	Rating	Checked Out
About Schmidt (2002)	9
40 Year Old Virgin, The (2005)	8
A Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy (2005)	4	Brianne
A Mighty Wind (2003)	6
Airplane (1980)	4
Annie Hall (1977)	9
Best In Show (2000)	7
Birdcage, The (1996)	7
Bob Roberts (1992)	7
Bulworth (1998)	9
Candidate, The (1972)	7
Catch-22 (1970)	3
Dogma (1999)	6
Dr. Strangelove (1964)	10
Election! (1999)	7
Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain (1995)	5
Fargo (1996)	6	Brianne
Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)	2
Fever Pitch (2005)	9	Brianne
Finding Nemo (2003)	8
Full Monty, The (1997)	7
Fun With Dick and Jane (1977)	8
Fun With Dick and Jane (2005)	7	Brianne
Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)	8
Graduate, The (1967)	8
Gremlins (1984)	4
Groundhog Day (1993)	9
Grumpier Old Men (1995)	6
Grumpy Old Men (1993)	7
Herbie: Fully Loaded (2005)	3
High Fidelity (2000)	7
Hospital, The (1971)	4
Human Nature (2001)	6
I'm Gonna Git You Sucka (1988)	1
In & Out (1997)	7
Mean Girls (2004)	7
Meet The Fockers (2004)	7
Meet The Parents (2000)	8
Modern Times (1936)	6
Office Space (1999)	10
Pink Panther, The (1963)	6
Saved! (2004)	6
Team America: World Police (2004)	5
Unerwiderte Liebe (2002-03)	10
Wag The Dog (1997)	9
Waking Ned Devine (1998)	8
Weather Man, The (2005) **NEW**	7	**NEW**
What About Bob? (1991)	9
When Harry Met Sally (1989)	9

Drama

Title	Rating	Checked Out
10,000 Black Men Named George (2002)	8
12 Angry Men (1957)	10
25th Hour (2002)	7
A Beautiful Mind (2001)	8
A Cry in The Dark (1988)	7
A History of Violence (2005)	4
A Time To Kill (1996)	7
A Very British Coup (1988)	5
A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)	3
Accused, The (1988)	8
All The Presidents Men (1976)	8
All's Well (1973)	?
Amelie (2001)	3
American Beauty (1999)	9
Amistad (1997)	9
An Affair To Remember (1957)	?
And The Band Played On (1993)	9
Andromeda Strain, The (1971)	3
As Good As It Gets (1997)	7
Assassination of Richard Nixon, The (2004)	9
Asylum (2005)	5
Auto Focus (2002)	7
Aviator, The (2004)	7
Awakenings (1990)	9
Battle of Algiers, The (1966)	8
Before & After (1996)	5
Being Julia (2004)	3
Billy Elliot (2000)	8
Birds, The (1963)	7
Black & White in Color (1976)	5
Bloody Sunday (2002)	9
Blow (2001)	7	Brianne
Boiler Room (2000)	7
Bonnie & Clyde (1967)	8
Boogie Nights (1997)	8
Boys Don't Cry (1999)	8
Boyz N The Hood (1991)	?
Brassed Off! (1996)	10
Bread & Roses (2000)	10
Breaking The Waves (1996)	4
Brokeback Mountain (2005)	8
Capote (2005)	7
Catch Me If You Can (2002)	8
Chinatown (1974)	4
Cider House Rules, The (1999)	10
Cinderella Man (2005) **NEW**	7	**NEW**
Citizen Cohn (1992)	6
Class Action (1991)	7
Color Purple, The (1985)	6
Coming Home (1978)	6
Constant Gardener, The (2005)	6
Contact (1997)	9
Contender, The (200o)	9
Cool Hand Luke (1967)	7
Country (1984)	8
Cradle Will Rock (1999)	9
Cromwell (1970)	5
Cruel Intentions (1999)	4
Cry Freedom (1987)	9
Dead Man Walking (1995)	10
Dead Poets Society (1989)	8
Dogville (2003)	7
Donnie Brasco (1997)	7
Donnie Darko (2001)	2
Downfall (2004)	9
Driving Miss Daisy (1989)	9
Drowning (2004)	?
Eight Men Out (1988)	8
Elephant Man, The (1980)	6
Exorcist, The (1973)	7
Family Plot (1976)	5
Far From Heaven (2002)	8
First Do No Harm (1997)	8
Forrest Gump (1994)	7
Frances (1982)	8
Freaks (1932)	5
Frenzy (1972)	7
Frida (2002)	8
Game, The (1997)	7
Gandhi (1982)	9
Garden State (2004)	7
Gia (1998)	5
Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)	5
Glory (1989)	9
Godfather, The (1972)	7
Godfather, The Part II (1974)	8
Good Night, & Good Luck (2005)	9
Good Will Hunting (1997)	9
Goodbye Girl, The (1977)	7
Grapes of Wrath, The (1940)	8
Great Raid, The (2005) **NEW**	4	**NEW**
Green Mile, The (1999)	7
Guilty By Suspicion (1991)	6
Harlan County War (2000)	8
Harold & Maude (1971)	10
Hoosiers (1986)	8
Hotel Rwanda (2004)	10
House of Sand and Fog (2003)	8
How Green Was My Valley (1941)	?
I Am Sam (2001)	7
If These Walls Could Talk (1996)	8
If These Walls Could Talk 2 (2000)	6
In America (2002)	6
In Cold Blood (1967)	5
In Cold Blood (1996)	6
In The Company of Men (1997)	4
In The Name of The Father (1993)	8
In The Time of The Butterflies (2001)	6
Indictment: The McMartin Trial (1995)	9
Iron Jawed Angels (2004)	8
Jacket, The (2005) **NEW**	5	**NEW**
Jackie Brown (1997)	6
JFK (1991)	10
Joe (1970)	6
Judgement at Nuremberg (1961)	5
Killing Fields, The (1984)	8
Kinsey (2004)	10
Kramer vs. Kramer (1979)	7
L.A. Confidential (1997)	6
Laramie Project, The (2002)	8
Leaving Las Vegas (1995)	8
Levity (2003)	6
Life As A House (2001)	8
Lifeboat (1944)	4
Limbo (1999)	7
Lone Star (1996)	9
Lorenzo's Oil (1992)	8
Love Liza (2002)	8
Magdalene Sisters (2002)	8
Malcolm X (1992)	9
Manchurian Candidate, The (1962)	6
Mean Creek (2004)	7
Medicine Man (1992)	7
Men With Guns (1997)	8
Midnight Cowboy (1969)	7
Miller's Crossing (1990)	4
Million Dollar Baby (2004)	9
Miracle (2004)	7
Missing (1982)	10
Mississippi Burning (1988)	9
Motorcycle Diaries, The (2004)	8
Munich (2005) **NEW**	8	**NEW**
My Life In Pink (1997)	7
Mystic River (2003)	9
Nell (1994)	7
Network (1976)	7
No Man's Land (2001)	9
Norma Rae (1979)	9
North By Northwest (1959)	6
North Country (2005)	7
North Dallas Forty (1979)	5
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest (1975)	8
Panic Room (2002)	6
Paradise Now (2005) **NEW**	8	**NEW**
Passion Fish (1992)	7
Paths of Glory (1957)	6
Philadephia (1993)	9
Pianist, The (2002)	7
Presumed Innocent (1990)	7
Primary Colors (1998)	9
Prozac Nation (2001)	6	Brianne
Psycho (1960)	7
Rabbit-Proof Fence (2002)	8
Rain Man (1988)	8
Ray (2004)	6
Rear Window (1954)	8
Regarding Henry (1991)	8
Requiem For A Dream (2000)	5
Roger Dodger (2002)	2
Roots (1977)	8
Rosewood (1997)	4
Runaway Jury (2003)	10
Salt of The Earth (1954)	7
Scarface (1983)	6
Schindler's List (1993)	9
Sea Inside, The (2004)	9
Secret of Roan Inish (1993)	2
Secretary (2002)	3
Shawshank Redemption, The (1994)	10
Shipping News, The (2001)	9
Sideways (2004)	7
Silence of The Lambs, The (1991)	8
Silkwood (1983)	8
Silver City (2004)	5
Sixth Sense, The (1999)	8
Sleepers (1996)	8
Sliding Doors (1998)	7
Sling Blade (1996)	8
Smoke (1995)	8
Snow Falling On Cedars (1999)	5
Soldiers Girl (2003)	8
Something The Lord Made (2004)	7
Sometimes In April (2005)	8
Sophie's Choice (1982)	7
Speak (2004)	6
Spinning Boris (2003)	9
Spook Who Sat By The Door (1973)	5
Squid & The Whale, The (2005)	6
Stand By Me (1986)	9
Station Agent, The (2003)	8
Sting, The (1973)	6
Subterra (2004)	?
Suicide Kings (1997)	6
Sweet Hereafter, The (1997)	6
Thelma & Louise (1991)	9
Thin Red Line, The (1998)	7
Things You Can Tell Just By Looking At Her (2000)	6
Thirteen (2003)	6
Thirteen Days (2000)	7
Tigerland (2000)	7
Trial By Media (2001)	5
United States of Leland, The (2003)	7
Verdict, The (1982)	7
Vertigo (1958)	7
Walk The Line (2005)	9
Wall Street (1987)	9
Warm Springs (2005)	7
What Lies Beneath (2000)	7
Winstanley (1975)	?
Wit (2001)	7
Without A Trace (1983)	8
Woodsman, The (2004)	7
Z (1969)	?