Friday, April 15, 2005

Player Profile #6

Mike 'McSkinny' McInneshin

Position: Forward (3)
Other Nicknames: 'Fats Durston,' 'Mike'n'Ike,' 'Assclown'
In his own words: "as long as my nickname isn't 'assclown.'"
Favorite Team: Duke
Secret Crush: Mike Krzyz...Krzqvz...Kzzaa...Coach K (he likes his eyebrows...or something)
Interesting Fact: Apparently listens to more music than any other living human. Then assumes that others will want to know what he thinks of this obscure music, and proceeds to tell the world through this...'blog' thing...that he has. Damn bloggers! Get a life!
More in his own words: "the heaviest of our regulars, known as 'the fouling machine,'..."
Interesting fact in his own words: "I was a teamster for all of three days a couple summers ago."
League Background: Played with Triple A Ft. Wayne for a couple years before being called up to....oh wait, I'm looking at the wrong sheet here...um, yeah, I don't know.
Strength: Ability to shoot the ball from long range and take it to the hole...one of our best shooters when he's on, also has the ability to drive and score using that strange looking hook/scoop shot. Its very effective. - I should add that he has deceptive speed on the fast break as well.
Weakness: Stamina...has a tendency to let the game wear him out and prevent him from getting back on defense(offense as well).

Grades-
Offense: B+
Defense: B+
Rebounding: A-
Passing: A-
Hustle: C
Attitude: A

Overall Grade: B+

12 comments:

fats durston said...

It's spelled Shill-zewski. (American Express, Chevy, &c. &c.)

A number of interrobangs:
Shoot from long range?!
When he's on?!
Offense B+?!?!
Defense B+?!
Attitude A?!
Prevent him from getting back on defense?!

He may suck at defense, but he's back there!

MarxistGopher said...

I guess it would have been more accurate to say that you tend not to go down to the offensive end, and just hang back waiting to play defense. Is that a better representation?

Jay said...

I think of Dukie (is that any better than Assclown) as a bizarre, mad scientist experiment on the basketball court. He looks like he's a power forward and he sometimes plays like one. But that is not the image any of us have in our mind when we think of his game.

He can post up but his post moves are not usually power moves (unless I'm defending him, in which case he simply turns and shoots over me with constant success) they're these whirling, bizarre ballet, underhanded shot moves that go in.

Then, he'll hang around (and it is not from "long" range) and get a few passes that the rest of his team works for the open shot and he gets it and nails it.

Finally, occasionally, he'll run the court like a deer, he can dribble it himself or take a pass, fly at the basket at full speed, throw up that signature scoop shot and score. He can shoot this shot with either hand as well.

To me, I've never seen a player with this apparently contradictory and paradoxical set of skills and it can be confusing and exciting.

Anonymous said...

Look! Out on the court! Is it a bird? A plane? No! It's McKinneyshin!

I second Jay's comments. Mike's a hard player to figure out. He may not shoot for fifteen minutes and then--BAM!--just like Emeril--he'll drain a couple of mid-range jumpers like he's been shooting them all evening. Or he'll seem completely disinterested in driving to the basket, and then suddenly there's that funky scoop lay-up. Impossible to defend. Makes ya wonder why he doesn't look for his offense earlier and more often.

Oh, and I'm definitely bringing a scale tonight. Heaviest player on the court my fat ass.

Anonymous said...

I sense blog envy from Marxist Gopher. Though critiquing Nas as if his song is an early thesis draft is strange, it is also entertaining.

On to bball: Fats is a player you want on your team if you are a ballhog like me. He seems content if he does not shoot at all as long as he contributes in other ways. Sets a good pick and cuts to the lane a lot unlike many of you lazy bastards who are less fat. Can shoot in a streaky fashion. Runs the court hard. He has a not-bad fg pct for a guy with no arc on his shot.

His offense is overrated in my opinion as he does not create shots on his own. He gets out of control on drives, but makes some of them anyway. He would be most affected if there was a foul limit. He slaps the arms on the way up regularly and can be a hacker. He still comes in a distant second to Jay in the category of intentional fouling to stop an easy layup. God help you if he's matched up in a zone with Sly on the wing and the Bull in the middle. It's a gauntlet masquerading as a zone defense. Also, he's one of our verticalless wonders.

Lastly, I'll throw my hat in the ring for heaviest bball player unless my geographic disability disqualifies me from the running. I'm hovering at 2 bills now and appear to be moving up. I should have known that I was moving to a place that is rated #1 in the per capita consumption of these healthy items: beer, cheese, red meat, and sausage.

Anonymous said...

I am really hating these damn profiles . I cannot get any work done so this is it for today.
I will sum up my comments/analysis on little K this way: The most underrated, underappreciated player among the "regulars".
On offense he can post-up, he can handle the mellon, he makes great passes, he can shoot a mean mid-range jumper and when you start to overplay him he will school you at the rim. A well rounded offensive game to say the least. In addition, the Dukie (puke-duke I mean) can board with the best of them. On D, he is a very skilled low post defender and can hang with almost anyone on the court. Perhaps the most overlooked aspect of his game is his tremendous help D. Specifically, his trademark is the effective slap strip. As a victim of this strip many times over the years I can say without hesitation that he stops countless lay-ups and generates plenty of breaks with his quick hands. If anyone's nickname should be "hands" it is the M devil. He does run the break well on O and plays outstanding transition D as well. His weaknesses have already been mentioned I think so I will not pile on but stamina is a concern and fouls can sometimes be an issue but overall this guy should get more love for his complete basketball abilities.
the M devils grades
Offense B+
Defense A (yes A)
Rebounding B+
hustle B
Attitude B+
ball handling B
Passing A-
Stamina C
Decision Making A-
shooting B+

I guess that puts him at an overall high B.

Please note that unlike previous grades I do not feel as strongly about the above grades. In other words I could be persuaded to move up or down- mostly up.

MarxistGopher said...

I have nothing constructive to add, just noticed that Matt and the Blaahger posted at exactly the same time on McSkinny's, and 1 minunte apart on Hand's profile...

Wierd huh?

Makes you think...

Anonymous said...

or does it...

Anonymous said...

are you a hostage? are you in an unfavorable situation from which you are seeking rescue? you seem so, and i will help you, hostage.

fats durston said...

i laffed out loud at the deer comment. then i remembered the last deer i saw running through my parents' woods, and it was a porker, and i laffed some more.

i check in at 210 these days (baby doesn't move very fast, yet), so i'm still ahead of you, mr. cheese-head/stomach. man that pizza place on state street with the giant slices with paper-plate-like crusts is awesome.

whew, the fouls really became an issue tonight. lucky we play in the big TelevEN, where such is encouraged...

Anonymous said...

yeah, i definately caught more than two inadvertent (albeit sucessful) elbows/hands/forearms/etc to the head from you...all in good fun though. that how defense is meant to be played, playground style.

Anonymous said...

Let me start by saying that I am left wanting to be what Mike is: a dukie.

I sometimes end up guarding this man, and let me say that I'm glad he's a shirt on kind of guy, because he sweats more than the rest of us.

I do enjoy playing with Mike for the same reasons that many here have mentioned. He hits the shot late in the game after not shooting all day. He sincerely apologizes every time he intentionally fouls someone (is a sincere apology for something intentional an oxy-moron?). And many other reasons as well, but since I'm surly I won't list them all here. On to the grades.

Offense B
Defense B (I wanted to go lower,
but last week he
stopped a 3-on-1 by
himself)
Rebounding B-
Hustle C-
Attitude A-
Ball-handling C+
Passing A- (great at hitting the
cutter)
Stamina C-
Decision Making B+
Shooting B (would be higher if he
shot more)

Overall B